Heightened Pulse,
Moist Skin,
Fingernails dragging against the unknown.

I drift away and watch the unity of need and want,
The departure of respect and morality
and the arrival of urgency and certain degradation.

The shedding of skin to the ground,
To reveal a new face to the world within that room,
A world to whom your statement is aimed.
I am alone, I am free,
I want to make bad choices,
And to make them for me.
To feel the pleasure of another mans kiss,
The shiver of a look, a caress.
The satisfaction as he takes you
Yet ultimately the emptiness as he leaves you.

Satisfaction awaits another day.

From the eyes of another,
The kiss of another,
The departure of another.

No feelings, no connection.

As i prepare myself to shake my old facade to the floor,
And in doing so, shaking off the love I left in my desire for attention,
I prepare to drift away again, to witness another unity of sweat and new sheets,
And to await the iron weight of disappointment with oneself as it crashes down upon the rush of exhiliration.

The heavy weight presses down,
making itself known at the most inopportune times,
Eating into the choking fog behind my eyes,
my thoughts disconnected from reality.
Psychosis they called it.

Every footstep an earth shattering leaden trod,
Every act dissected and examined,
Like the callous metal slicing through the host of memories.
The blackness descends.

The glistening golden envelopes the land
of my childhood,
An outsider, i glimpse the rays through my personal mist
And return to my daily task of avoiding the lead weight of my guilt
The nausea always but moments away.